The ten minute walk home from school is the longest part of her day. Her eighth birthday is tomorrow and her mother is home preparing a large feast for her family so she must walk home alone today. She dreads the thought of having her mother tie her long black hair back into an intricate braid that will take forever. She feels the smooth paper sitting in her pocket that her mother handed her after breakfast. She knows there’s no going around it so she quickens up here pace to the carts lining the streets. The whistles echoed down the street and she got goosebumps up her arms. The smell of grease wreaked but she knew she had to stop at the faded yellow cart and get the food on her mother’s list. So she stood on her tiptoes and hesitantly taps the bell on the counter. A large hairy, ex-sumo wrestler turns around from the stove. His face is sweaty and his chef’s hat and apron aren’t white anymore.

“What can I get for you?” he spits at her. His breath hits her hard and she can taste the garlic and onion from his sandwich,  still sitting half eaten on the counter. She hands him the clean crisp white paper that she carefully stored in her jacket pocket. His fingers leave prints as he opens and reads her mother’s elegant script. Her mind wanders to her surroundings as she waits for the bag of food. Not many people are here around this time so the other merchants are eating and restocking. There’s one stand she loves to look at, it’s the only bright shop on this street but her mother says it’s too expensive. She looks at the beautiful woman standing behind the counter, mindlessly arranging the beautiful silk dresses and purses. If only she could just go over, touch the soft silk, let it flow through her fingers. That would be the perfect birthday present. Then there’s a shout and she gets pulled out of her head.

“If you want to bring home this food you’re gonna have to give me the money,” the sloppy cook says to her. She pulls her backpack around and takes out the small coin purse her grandmother left for her. She quickly hands him the money and grabs the bag, walking as fast as possible to get to the safety of home.

I get up out of bed touch my right foot to the floor then my left. This is the girl who has to walk exactly four paces to the light switch with her right hand and try to start her four hour routine just to get ready for work. She can only go to work 5 days a week because the letters of the day have to be even or the unevenness might kill her. Her mother made her this way forcing her to keep count of what she did and making her redo it. She wants to stop touching the drawer so many times and cut down her light bill by not touching the dumb switches. When she tries to defy it the twitches come and she has no control of herself.  She’s scared of the monster lurking inside herself, OCD.

This just isn’t right. The moon beams down on me with this new strange color. We don’t have a name for it I’ve never seen such a strange strong color. It’s cool yet warm, proud yet scared how could something so strange have appeared in my night sky. It’s telling me to be comfortable but how could such a color have appeared on my moon? My white pure moon has changed into something more proud and wise.

I lay in the field my friends surround me with comfortable warmth. The lilacs sway in the wind like mighty kings of nature. They surround me tall and proud, their sweet fragrance gives me more comfort then any human has. The buzz of bees pollinating my beloved making them strong and healthy goes in through my ears and fills my head. My favorite days are like these when I can lose myself in such a powerful place. They sympathize for me and take my pain away. They share their space and wisdom with me, taking me in as their own. Until I’m lost in the purple sea of lilacs.

We sit in this dark room the only others a group in the front. The movie starts and I can hardly focus on the movie with his arm so close to mine. The electricity sparks as our arms brush and I turn my head away. I grab towards our popcorn and our hands bump. I’m tempted to reach out, take his hand, but I’m too afraid to make the first move. He’s there in the corner of my eye watching the movie. His eyes flick to me and my eyes dart back to the screen. I’m caught. I’ve already missed so much I’m confused and I look back to see his face straight on. I pull my knees up onto the seat and wrap my arms around them. We sit together it gets more and more awkward as the movie progresses. I look over again and he looks amused but maybe he’s just a really good faker. I put my feet back down on the sticky floor and set my hand on the arm rest. A jolt runs through my finger tips as I realize my hand is in his. Instinctively I pull away but I’m stopped by his gentle grasp. I look to his smiling blue eyes and know we have passed the first obstacle.

I’m tempted to run, to be free of you.

I’m tempted to say goodbye and never see your face again.

I’m tempted to try and forget your face.

I’m tempted to tell people the things you’ve done, convince them how bad you are.

I’m tempted to listen for their pity, just so I can feel better for a while.

I’m tempted to run, as far and as fast as possible.

I’m tempted to cry to let my emotions take over, so I can start to get over it.

I’m tempted to leave you and this town behind…

But how do you say goodbye to your dad?

After six hours of relentless driving I see the buildings. I try to remind myself why I chose to apply and go to this college. It’s in the middle of nowhere and small, but, oh yeah, it’s the only college in the state with the major I want. I feel sheltered by the trees, tall and looming they make me feel claustrophobic. The instinct to flee is filling me. I open the car door and the smell of freshly mowed grass is too strong. My stomach immediately feels sicker. The doors are wide open and people are milling in with their parents. I walk up in solitude, genuine smiling faces greet me and my things, but I still don’t feel relief. The table is free and I get my packet with my room number. I head for the stairs, which are surprisingly empty. My things are pulling against my arms, wanting to pull me all the way back home. The stairs moan and creak all the way up, not wanting me almost as much as I don’t want them. The smell of cleaner wafts down the hall at me from unseen bathrooms. I can hear girls laughing and others crying, the thought of leaving apparently too much for them. If only they knew how lucky they were.

I walk up to the door with the number 263. I see my name printed in purple ink and another, that I don’t recognize, is placed next to it: “Alvira” I get chills just thinking it. What a strange name then, I get scared I’m about to start living with someone who I have never met, who’s name is “Alvira”. My thoughts are interrupted by a voice which I assume belongs to Alvira. “Is someone there?” Oh goodness I think what am I gonna do now, theres no turning back so, I walk into the dorm about to introduce myself when I’m hit by her appearance. She’s dressed so dark she looks like a ghost and her eyes are haunting pools of green. She stands to greet me and my eyes wander to the wall behind her bed, painted with black posters. “Like?”, she says waving her hand towards the wall. I nod how am I going to do this?

I’ve got my brand new sparkling slippers on with the pink frilly dress mom made me get. She puts me in these silly outfits that she says are just oh so cute. I’m sitting at the table eating my soggy fruit loops when my mom comes in smiling and crying. She’s so emotional sometimes. Before I’m even done drinking my milk my mom takes my bowl and tells me to hurry hurry don’t wanna be late for the bus. The only sound are the cars driving and my name keychain thumping against my backpack as we walk up the driveway hand in hand. Once at the top, mom takes her camera out she keeps reminding me how special this day is and I will make lots of friends and blah blah blah. I look down the road and see the enormous yellow machine coming up to my stop. With a quick hug my mom says good bye getting teary eyed again. The doors swing open and I’m greeted by a grinning blue shirted woman. The first step is so big and I almost don’t make it. The bus is loud and there are lots of kids on so I grab the first seat in the front lickety-split. I look out the window and see my mother smiling and waving. The doors shut and we start to pull away and now I worry maybe I’m not ready.

They’re black and thick, the lenses so large they hide his face. The small clear piece of tape holding them together hides the broken plastic that’s missing a piece, laying somewhere in the long grass behind the playground. The lenses are scraped and worn from so frequently being pushed off his face. Three identical pairs lay somewhere in a dump, the tape no longer able to hold them together. The cheap glasses aren’t so affordable for his parents and he has to go easy on this pair. He tries explaining that for some reason the boys at school don’t like his eye helpers, but his parents dismiss it like everything else. The glasses are like buckets that take it all in. When that foot comes down on them they break, but thanks to that lucky binding piece of tape everything’s being held together…for now.

It’s pitch black, I can’t see a thing but darkness from the blindfold that’s secured to my head.  We’re driving me and these people. I can feel the wind blowing from the wide open windows making my hair blow into my mouth. The secret is nagging at me, I just need to know where we are going and what their intentions are. The darkness is making me tired, I feel sleep coming for me. The feeling of the car driving down the winding roads is becoming as soothing as a rocking chair, back and forth back and forth. I lay may head against the hot padded van side. I wake to a violent shake and the smell of alcohol hits me hard in the face. The car is no longer moving and this stranger is hovering over me and all of a sudden I’m picked up and get and my head is slammed into the roof like wrecking ball straight into a building. The pain is excruciating my head is pounding but now i can see. The blindfold laying on the ground somewhere behind us. My head feels like it might explode but it hits me I need to see his face. I try to turn my head but I have no control over my body and my senses are dulling. I get my head up just long enough to see his dark deep as night brown eyes, then everything goes black.